Monday, August 29, 2016

The Untold Story Of The Most Hated Work In Progress


So, now what? I found a home for Beyond The Blue Kite and it's time to think about my writing career. 1,400 words on David And Destiny over the summer. It was coming along nicely. If only it was my only project. It's going on the shelf until after Lionheart Leaks is completed and a sequel to Beyond The Blue Kite is written. Here's an excerpt from the novel before it finds its lonely place on the shelf and collects dust.


David And Destiny: Chapter 3

“Come closer,” David whispered, nudging Destiny’s arm gently. The cool air blew against them and shook the leaves on the trees, falling from above, but it was quiet. It was very quiet in the forest. It was pure autumn and the colors were spectacular. Shades of brown and red and orange scattered the muddy ground. The leaves were up to their ankles. A squirrel raced up the incline of the steep hill.

He unzipped her coat with one quick motion, and guided it off her shoulders, one-by-one revealing her ample cleavage underneath her white button down shirt and white lace bra. She looked down at his massive crotch.

“I don’t know what to say,” she said with a cold stare. “I love you. I want to be with you, but we shouldn’t be doing this.” She leaned in and almost kissed him. Wiping away a lonely leaf from his wavy blonde hair, he grabbed her tight ass and squeezed it hard. It was a sweet ass. She started to smile “Shhh. Pretend it’s just the two of us.” And it was just the two of them; alone with nature in The Enchanted Forest, where they were pressed up against each other, against the uncomfortable bark of a tree refusing to die. He touched her firm breasts. David never touched a girl’s breasts before, unless you count the time he leaned up against his mom in the kitchen and embarrassingly touched her. “There’s nobody around,” he stopped for a second, giggled then moved in. They kissed passionately, then he pulled away with a jolt. But noticing she wanted more, he moved in closer.

His fingers followed along the strap of her revealing white-laced bra and grazed the outside of her breast; then he reached in and grabbed her sweet chest. Awkwardly at first, but soon he was feeling her, breathing heavy and grabbing blindly. “Do you remember when we first met?” She wondered. “You told me that I had the body of Eve before she was ruined by Adam. You told me that I had an Egyptian handmaid's heavenly smile.” She looked at him innocently. A quick nod and he shrugged, as she stared deeper into his piercing blue eyes. David met Destiny at the beginning of summer school, so it had only been over seven weeks. They were getting to know each other in a special way and she thought that they were meant for each other. “It’s like I’ve always known you.” He nodded slightly, rubbing her chest gently and hungrily touching her skin. He softly kissed the tiny freckles below her neck. She took deep breaths, sighed, then he stopped for a moment, like he was recreating the Book of Genesis.

“I was high and I told you that I was on a cloud in the sky,” he sniffed, “and everything that I said was true.” He stepped back slightly and then crouched down and unzipped her blue jeans. Lowering his arms, his hands slipped inside her jeans. Her panties were wet. She was tingling with excitement, breathing heavy and excitedly staring at him. They had never experienced true love before and now it was all happening.

“We were meant for each other. We’re perfect together."

“I want you here and now.” He was growing impatient.

“Is this heaven?” She looked up higher and the trees blocked the light. They were under the cover of darkness and she was re-living a fantasy she'd only experienced in her wildest dreams.

It’s The Enchanted Forest. The closest we’ve come.”

“Fuck me hard,” she moaned. “I want to feel you.”

“It’s about time.” He reached up and grabbed both her wrists and pressed them back against the tree until they were sticky. He unzipped his pants and pulled out his monstrous cock. She gasped. He carefully fitted it inside her and she moaned. There was just stillness in the forest.

It’s so big.”

“I know.” David was Jewish, but he had never been circumcised. He was one of the biggest boys in ninth grade at Holy Cross, but he was a hidden talent and still na├»ve as a boy. Some secrets needed to stay in dark places, like under the shade of the trees in The Enchanted Forest, and not in the classroom. The daytime air was fresh. As he stared at her, the smile on his face grew with confidence. She admired his size. His arm stretched out for her hair and his fingers gripped her streaks of blonde hair. He cupped her breast with the other hand and thrusted back and forth with his pelvis, sticking it deeper and deeper inside her. They were half naked, pressed up against the bark of a tree and he was fucking her with a wide grin on his face. There was nobody around, but there could’ve been, and that was all part of the emotional energy and thrilling excitement.

The wind blew softly against parts of their bare flesh. Tall trees surrounded them and there was a trail not very far in the distance, up a steep hill. They'd been to the same spot before, but they had just kissed, nothing more, and they were just friends before. It started getting serious after she smoked weed for the first time with him and his brothers. She actually had a crush on Samuel, but he was too old, and David was the cute younger brother, around her age. She would swear he was right beside her in some of her old baby pictures. She was convinced they were separated at birth and her mom just never told her. They thought the same way, liked the same food and shared the same feelings. They were both skinny and about the same height -- almost six feet -- without a care in the world. It sounded crazy, but it was true. It was almost eleven on a Friday morning, around the same time Mrs. White would’ve been teaching them experiments in science class. Since discovering The Enchanted Forest, they were learning more about biology and chemistry. This was where they were hidden away from talking heads and stupid friends that didn’t really get human nature. The small forest was in the Green Belt, just outside of the city. It was about a forty-minute walk from the hustle and bustle of the village and downtown Holy Cross.

David was not like the other boys. He stuck his tongue out, softly licking across her chest as she leaned back and enjoyed the ride. His warm saliva tickled Destiny. She giggled and nibbled around his neck. They were embracing; her legs were wrapped around him. There was nothing better in his life than Destiny. Penetrating her felt so good. Overdosing on candy and M&M's when he was growing up with his brothers was pretty good at the time; but he could only compare sex to a good buzz from drinking, or his first toke of marijuana. His grin got bigger and bigger, and he felt like he was ready to explode. He had masturbated before, and coming felt good, but this was really good and beyond compare to anything.

Her head was tilted up against the tree, her green eyes bulged and he was close to eruption. His breathing got heavier and heavier, and beads of sweat formed on his forehead. He pumped her harder and felt the ecstasy inside of her tight pussy and moaned louder. Not wanting to make a mess inside of her, pulled out, emptied his load on her thigh, it was the relief from staying erect for what seemed like forever in paradise. She lowered her hand, scooped the mess off her blue jeans and rubbed it against the bark. “What do we do now?” She looked at him intently with loving eyes. She wanted to hug him, but he was already kneeling down and ripping open his muddy backpack. He was wiping away leaves and reaching in.

“Gin and juice.” He pulled out two plastic cups, a tall bottle of Hendrick’s Gin and smiled at her.

“So good.” She kneeled down beside him as he started pouring for two. “Why do you call this The Enchanted Forest?” She wondered.

“Because enchanted things happen here,” he zipped up the fly on his brown cords and stared at her. “Once I was higher than a kite and talked to a tree for hours. It was a magical and I learned a lot from the tree.” She looked a little stunned. “It’s hard to explain,” he said and passed her a red solo cup.

“No, it all makes sense now.”

“Yeah,” he looked up and around at the trees, “it’s beautiful here.”

"Then why do you believe in Goliath?"

On The Shelf 

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Treat Me Like A Joke And I'll Leave You Like It's Funny


Whether joking or not, sometimes shit happens and I can't say shit about it. But now, I'm showing my cards to everyone... (and toning it down for the general public). Recent events transpiring made me want to jump as high as the moon, listening to radio at its highest frequency and singing the most intoxicating, foul version of The Dark Side of the Moon when it was over. But I need to start at the beginning. I tightly grasp Naked Lunch with one hand, struggling with plot development, I'm not loving its flatness, but the fine character revelation is something I'm feeling chemistry with. I let go of the book. The buzz fading and it's twisting into a massive headache, as I stand hunched over my suitcase in our room at Hotel Chelsea in historic New York. The epic night of comedy was awesome and there was no time to read. I finish unpacking everything because there wasn't time when we first got to our hotel room two nights ago. Happier than hell after happy hour, I look at the book and then look at my stolen Gotham shot glass. I smile and reflect.


A stream of talented and untalented comedians took the stage at Gotham Comedy Club. One of the comedians was a comedy writer and sucked. My tip to him would be to write a novel people might enjoy to read. Dive deeper than a mixture of Wizard of Oz, Alice in Wonderland and Jack's On The Road. Concoct four climaxes and create a story more exhilarating than sex with a big-titted, tight-assed French prostitute who just landed in Canada after realizing she wanted to save herself and didn't want to lose her virginity in Amsterdam (there's nothing like a prostitute who just passed the immigration process). But it was a good night. I didn't read the night away, but I did learn the process of downing tequila shots at Gotham:

Lick it (salt)
Slam it (tequila)
Suck it (lemon or lime)

There was time before the special guest comedian took to the stage. I wasn't praying to Jesus, but I was listening to Kenny Loggins (close enough) when I started ordering beer. Then the music faded low and I was listening to a beautiful female voice. Juice Newton's Queen of Hearts played and I was swaying my head back and forth and slamming down another bottle of Sam Adams. I needed to keep quiet and keep a low profile and it was almost like my wife needed to wear a Muslim veil to protect her identity. I realized I didn't want to shout the lyrics to "Queen of Hearts" and embarrass myself and draw attention to my Cougars T-shirt. My face turned bright red, but I was confident I wouldn't draw attention to myself. After all, I was nobody and I was still the same nobody looking for nothing in the nothingness of time.

To make a long story short (because I'm not getting paid shit to write this blog), T.J. Miller performed the final act at Gotham Comedy Club, strung out on Manhattan bottled water, he emphasized morality is relative, while I thought time is relative -- and morality just plays a smaller corner piece in the puzzle. I kept my mouth shut and absorbed true comedy realizing I didn't want to be the next Man on the Moon like Andy Kaufman. I wouldn't have to resort to the depths of depravity, because I wasn't starved for attention, and I'd already had a taste of the best of New York (especially after fine dining at Ristorante Rafele and Giovanni Rana Pastificio & Cucina).