Reality Lies Far Beyond Space And Closer To Womankind

My mother sent me to psychiatrists since the age of four because she didn't think little boys should be sad. When my brother was born, I stared out the window for days. Can you imagine that?

~ Andy Kaufman  

It Might Be Argued men are from Earth and women are from Venus, but don't be afraid because we're all in this together. I used to hate everything about Man on the Moon, not from fear, but from loathing Andy Kaufman's death as breaking news.

Suicide prevention getting mainstream attention makes me wonder two things. Why don't we create better underground funding to help troubled youth and how did Bob Hope live to be 100 years old? Does his estate still get kickbacks from military bases in South Korea? NBC, CBC, RTTV or YouTube? I don't know, but give hope a chance. 

Bob Hope via NBC

Poetry, Audible/Narrative Short Stories

Beyond The Rum Diary writing blogs on my website again is a quiet reminder it's never over unless you like serials. My experimentation with writing a serial is over. NO more Lucky Charms, Frosted Flakes or Raisin Bran unless you go to Wattpad. I'll let you know, and there's no doubt, Lionheart Leaks completes itself in the distant future beyond my wildest reality-based dreams. 

Movies? Boogie Nights or A Few Good Men. Both are the stupidest good movies I'll never watch again. I can handle the truth. Reality is perceived any way you choose, but there is only one universal truth: Love. So if love is the truth, then what are two evils plaguing mankind? It's very simple.

1. Women
2. Disrespect

My advice is avoid lust. If you want to write a sonnet, that's perfectly fine. But don't write a sonnet about the fisherwoman from your dreams. Example:

A SEXY FISHERWOMAN

I'm a codpiece of flesh, lost in a swamp or marsh,

Never touching a woman with pseudo-esteem

Alone on a boat with pirates crude and harsh.

For seven years she's been waiting for a dream,

While I hope to be caught in her infectious net --

On three nights with minnows and three guys

While I'm on land dreaming of her naked wet,

Wondering if she'll be a vision, envisioned wise;

Roughly, I've gazed at the sea once every year,

As I'm dizzy-eyed or mangled with every notion

That she'll never land, over a whale-shaped tear,

As we cling to happiness in a magical potion.

One day, I'll touch her as a supernatural fish

And find a way to say she's my only wish.

Yeah, I'm reading Naked Lunch. Yeah, I'm on YouTube, burrowing through crap because of the faulty programming in my subconscious mind. Junk is art and it makes for great literary fiction, but addiction and drug abuse are huge problems. The Beat Generation influences American counter-culture, expanding awareness, but teaching some of the wrong messages, while using some of the floweriest viral language. These are the harsh realities. I had to dig through the CBC archives before having a nervous breakdown.

Fuck around however you choose, but choose your sources carefully. Lead from example and Lionheart Inc.™ core values, because mistakes are made. If you want to go live-on-location from Puerto Rico, that's fine, but Jesus Christ (Second Coming believers might want to hear me use Jim Morrison's name in vain) learn from example. Recline in your armchair, sit back, and pretend you're on the loudest beach in the world with your feet in the dirtiest sand.

These EXAMPLES might one day "save" mankind. I just believe the most valuable advice growing up is simply to choose a smart woman and don't let her go (unless you're stupid, or unless she wants you to let her go, and then take a hike and maybe find a pristine beach with dirty sand and a sexier dude with a dirtier mind). But I think growing up without help is a mistake and any good guidance counselor in the world will tell you dirty deeds are done dirt cheap.

I didn't know what I wanted when growing up. Rich and famous ideals got in the way; but without womankind, I must confess, I wanted to be a locksmith and write Very Bad Deeds.

Lo And Behold Bisons And Good Drinking

Bisonmania

The Blue Jays and Herd have been streaky. Batters are getting time in the cage and pitchers are pitching a lot of innings. LeBlanc has been hot. The beer at Coca-Cola Field is top notch; and I'm urging anyone who likes to drink ten or eleven or twelve beers, and is not driving home, to go see a Bisons game and power drink.

Buffalo, New York

We went to see the Bisons on the same day that we went to the Burlington Humane Society and picked up our new cat. We took our cat to the game. Ten or eleven beers later, it was the seventh inning and I skedaddled to the car to spend quality time with Skeddadles, our new cat. It was around this time, I started tripping out, having acid flashbacks, hungry and craving metal. I needed loud music. I put the key in the ignition, ran the battery in the car to power up the stereo, and pumped WOW 87.7 FM in the Bisons parking lot. I was hungry for heavy metal music and so was Skedaddles. To hell with the Herd, I wanted to be alone with the cat because we were craving loud, headbanging music.

Skedaddles the Cat

Heavy Metal Awareness

My wife was sober when the game finished and she joined me in the car because it was time to go home and the Bisons won, 2-1 over the Syracuse Chiefs in a nail-biter. My long nails were scratching the cat as my wife drove out of the parking lot. We were listening to WOW 87.7 FM for the drive home. My wife was driving; I was buzzing badly and repeating the same things over and over to myself. "Wow," I said to my wife. She just looked at me and said, "Wow." All of a sudden, I realized there needed to be a week dedicated to metal awareness. I was like a heavy rolling stone and my head was weighing a ton, but we couldn't drink in the car. Cranking the sound up in the car, I was thrashing my head side to side and pretended I was writing deeper than a rolling stone writer too good to write for the magazine. Wow.

Heavy Metal Appreciation

La Buena was so good and I started thinking more and more about Lionheart Leaks and holy shit it was like a religious experience in the car going over the Skyway Bridge, driving from Hamilton to Burlington. WOW, it was so good and I didn't want to get out of the car when we got in the driveway, but my wife reminded me that I had to work the next day. WOW....

Lionheart Leaks