Reality Lies Far Beyond Space And Closer To Womankind

My mother sent me to psychiatrists since the age of four because she didn't think little boys should be sad. When my brother was born, I stared out the window for days. Can you imagine that?

~ Andy Kaufman  

It Might Be Argued men are from Earth and women are from Venus, but don't be afraid because we're all in this together. I used to hate everything about Man on the Moon, not from fear, but from loathing Andy Kaufman's death as breaking news.

Suicide prevention getting mainstream attention makes me wonder two things. Why don't we create better underground funding to help troubled youth and how did Bob Hope live to be 100 years old? Does his estate still get kickbacks from military bases in South Korea? NBC, CBC, RTTV or YouTube? I don't know, but give hope a chance. 

Bob Hope via NBC

Poetry, Audible/Narrative Short Stories

Beyond The Rum Diary writing blogs on my website again is a quiet reminder it's never over unless you like serials. My experimentation with writing a serial is over. NO more Lucky Charms, Frosted Flakes or Raisin Bran unless you go to Wattpad. I'll let you know, and there's no doubt, Lionheart Leaks completes itself in the distant future beyond my wildest reality-based dreams. 

Movies? Boogie Nights or A Few Good Men. Both are the stupidest good movies I'll never watch again. I can handle the truth. Reality is perceived any way you choose, but there is only one universal truth: Love. So if love is the truth, then what are two evils plaguing mankind? It's very simple.

1. Women
2. Disrespect

My advice is avoid lust. If you want to write a sonnet, that's perfectly fine. But don't write a sonnet about the fisherwoman from your dreams. Example:

A SEXY FISHERWOMAN

I'm a codpiece of flesh, lost in a swamp or marsh,

Never touching a woman with pseudo-esteem

Alone on a boat with pirates crude and harsh.

For seven years she's been waiting for a dream,

While I hope to be caught in her infectious net --

On three nights with minnows and three guys

While I'm on land dreaming of her naked wet,

Wondering if she'll be a vision, envisioned wise;

Roughly, I've gazed at the sea once every year,

As I'm dizzy-eyed or mangled with every notion

That she'll never land, over a whale-shaped tear,

As we cling to happiness in a magical potion.

One day, I'll touch her as a supernatural fish

And find a way to say she's my only wish.

Yeah, I'm reading Naked Lunch. Yeah, I'm on YouTube, burrowing through crap because of the faulty programming in my subconscious mind. Junk is art and it makes for great literary fiction, but addiction and drug abuse are huge problems. The Beat Generation influences American counter-culture, expanding awareness, but teaching some of the wrong messages, while using some of the floweriest viral language. These are the harsh realities. I had to dig through the CBC archives before having a nervous breakdown.

Fuck around however you choose, but choose your sources carefully. Lead from example and Lionheart Inc.™ core values, because mistakes are made. If you want to go live-on-location from Puerto Rico, that's fine, but Jesus Christ (Second Coming believers might want to hear me use Jim Morrison's name in vain) learn from example. Recline in your armchair, sit back, and pretend you're on the loudest beach in the world with your feet in the dirtiest sand.

These EXAMPLES might one day "save" mankind. I just believe the most valuable advice growing up is simply to choose a smart woman and don't let her go (unless you're stupid, or unless she wants you to let her go, and then take a hike and maybe find a pristine beach with dirty sand and a sexier dude with a dirtier mind). But I think growing up without help is a mistake and any good guidance counselor in the world will tell you dirty deeds are done dirt cheap.

I didn't know what I wanted when growing up. Rich and famous ideals got in the way; but without womankind, I must confess, I wanted to be a locksmith and write Very Bad Deeds.

What We’ve Got Here Is A Failure To Communicate

“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.” ~ Hunter S. Thomspon

Where do we manufacture dreams?

Some men you just can’t reach, especially those like Donald Trump telling stories about the fall of the World Trade Center. Weird people watch Pop Goes The World and sing all about the World Trade Center tumbling down with thousands and thousands of Arabs cheering on the streets of Jersey City. That's the truth.

I’ve learned everything I need to know from Chelsea Handler’s Uganda Be Kidding Me, following Martha Stewart on Facebook, drawing Pluto in one easy step, and writing handwritten letters to stars of Disney On Ice. To my dear, dear friends in the Americas, Happy Thanksgiving and Give Peace A Chance.

But there are more professional problems than cartoon violence or Civil War college football rivalry game. The Washington Redskins players are accusing referees of calling penalties against the team because the referees don’t like the Redskins name. The world is filled with horror, violence, pain, and racial injustices from terrorism. ISIS wants us to accept that it is how it is, and ISIS wants good people to buy into demented fantasies that they’re doing something important. Cyberterrorists are a bunch of savages that are going to join the Russians and the French terrorists like the cockroaches they are.

In the heart of Burlington, I want to rid the world of the goddamn status quo and cyberterrorism and the evils plaguing society from giving us fucking sequels to An Inconvenient Truth. The world is plagued by lies, but the most powerful truth is the real commercial world. You can’t underestimate the impact of the final buck and when Lionheart Leaks becomes available in the distant future.

The Burlington Post dropped my promotional advertising on page nine, but the Post has been all over my controversy on page eleven. It seems like small potatoes, but it blew up last week in the newspaper. My cousin auctioned off my table from the castle for $500 and I wanted it auctioned off for $600 for charity. Bubba called and told me that he would set up a date to pick up my table. I said, “You can’t have it.” It was supposed to be $600 instead of $500. Bubba went to the Burlington Post and complained and we got in a big fight. I threatened to punch him out. I’ve been down and out lately since spending every last cent on Lionheart Leaks. I'm getting deeper and deeper into debt.

Christmas isn’t about what you need, it’s about what you want, and trusting your instincts to make the right choices. My choice is bringing the world Lionheart Leaks on December 1st and releasing the hardcore facts. Not even WikiLeaks can reveal the true inner demons troubling our streets. I feel like I'm getting a little closer to the streets, the barking dogs, and sleepless nights. 

Ottis O’Toole walks the streets and he begins to explain to Johnny Electric in Installment No. 1: “Johnny Electric was the charged CEO of Lionheart Incorporated and he was a serious gambler with vices.” I’m allowing people close to me to reveal the facts about how Lionheart almost ruined my life. Sometimes I think I’m losing my mind, but no use crying over spilled milk.

And I'm not going to cry about suffering from Peter Pan Syndrome. Science Daily believes "the 'Peter Pan Syndrome' affects people who do not want or feel unable to grow up, people with the body of an adult, but the mind of a child. The syndrome is not currently a psychopathology" or fully understood.

If you’re like me and you believe that The Little House On The Prairie TV theme song inspired John Williams to write the Star Wars theme song, then you also believe Walt Disney’s not dead, he’s frozen, and when someone thaws out the Walt, he’s going to be pretty pissed off at Oswald.

Beyond The Bills Or Chemistry Or Acid Flashbacks

First Bill: What Should Bill Clinton Be For Halloween?

The road to tyranny begins with the destruction of the fuckin' truth. Truth varies from person to person. As president of the United States, Bill Clinton once said, “When we got organized as a country and we wrote a fairly radical Constitution with a radical Bill of Rights, giving a radical amount of individual freedom to Americans, it was assumed that the Americans who had that freedom would use it responsibly.” Bill Clinton handled his extra-marital affair responsibly and he’s gone the extra mile practically endorsing Donald Trump. Hillary Clinton is running for president and every cunt wants to see Bill as the First Man of the United States. A First Man currently doesn't exist, but it should if the Theory of Evolution was true. Darwin observed the pattern of evolution and he would've been fucking fascinated with Bill Clinton.

How will the Clintons celebrate Halloween? Bill Clinton might choose to dress up as Bill Cosby for Halloween. Over 40 women have accused Bill Cosby of sexual misconduct and only the future First Man understands this and wants to take on the role. There needs to be a motherfucking movement to prevent another Industrial Revolution. The next uprising in the industry will happen soon. From politics to going mental, there ain't much choice. 

Global Warming will kill everybody if we don’t stop the madness. Acid rain is going to get worse and the floods will motherfucking drown us. Al Gore needs to make a sequel to An Inconvenient Truth. It’s an inconvenient truth that Bill Clinton could co-star with Al Gore in the movie. If Bill Clinton does dress up as Bill Cosby, why doesn’t Al Gore dress up as Bill O’Reilly for Halloween, so we can get the motherfucking facts? What does it matter? How's Hillary doing? Hillary Clinton needs to dress up either as a district attorney or a chemist or a plumber and pay the motherfucking Bills. Does pH matter when you flush the toilet? I'm going to take a shit whilst listening to Phish.

Second pH: Beyond Chemistry

In chemistry, pH (/piːˈeɪtʃ/) is a numeric scale used to specify the acidity or alkalinity of an aqueous solution. It is the negative of the logarithm to base 10 of the fucking activity of the hydrogen ion. Solutions with a pH less than 7 are acidic and solutions with a pH greater than 7 are alkaline or anything fucking basic. Beyond chemistry, make sure you Google search phubbing and use the ph instead of effing fubbing, and don’t give yourself a PhD and call yourself Dr. Huxtable and go fubbing for fun. I’m not a doctor and I’m not going to take credit for inventing words like phubbing or fubbing, but they’re real fucking problems in American culture. The Washington State Cougars are not that good at football, and don’t be fooled after their victory over the Oregon Ducks, but that’s not the motherfucking problem. The Cougars screwing around with younger men is a real motherfucking problem.

Oregon schools preparing for the Civil War are simply unavoidable; but the serious goddamn problem happening in schools can be seen or unseen with students suffering from mental illnesses, abusing psychotropic drugs, and taking non-prescription drugs. In the aftermath of the crazy draw-down in Afghanistan, Americans are celebrating a war lasting almost as long as the Civil War college football game rivalry in Oregon. The Civil War started with the first bullets fired recently according to news. Why wasn't the shooter targeted? We need to second-guess the victims of the shooting. They didn’t act fast enough and fight back in the face of bullets. They could have rallied against the shooter and tackled him to the motherfucking ground. I should have fought back against my demons to prevent the death of Tuesday.

Third Acid Flashback: Tuesday

Where is Tuesday Alvarez? Have I lost Tuesday to drug-induced flashbacks or a mystery liquid? Tuesday’s Gone, Lynyrd Skynyrd (pronounced 'Lĕh-'nérd 'Skin-'nérd). I put the son-of-a-bitch down. It was late Tuesday night when Tuesday Alvarez sent a text to my cell phone. It said, “Meet me at the Burger King parking lot.” We ended up in old Brewington. Beyond my dreams.